on disappearing

My Sociology professor once asked us, " To what thing do you compare yourself with?". And to it, I replied, a chameleon. I just want to get lost among the trees, rotate my eyes in all directions and take a good look at everything that's been going on. Pahinga muna, kumbaga. Reality check. See, things have been very fast. In a snap, i changed my address, i had my hair cut too short, i failed a subject (f*ckin' physics. No, screw the teacher!), i called everybody i can in manila and davao for NMAT forms, i've turned into a gudang girl, i called my teammate a volleyball bitch, and recently, due to a suffocating deadline (like a tight rope tied around your neck), i told my prof that i'll prove that Aspergillus niger and Aspergillus fumigatus can absorb heavy metals in contaminated soil and water with no assurance that i can really do so. I just want to stick to that wall in the Science Complex, dissolve into its rustic colors and be invisible or better yet, be one of those bottled specimens soaked in stinky formalin, like that poor little chick i purposely killed for my Systematics class (I had no choice). I really haven't mastered the skill to cope with too much stress, to deal with high expectations, that I can't help but stop in mid-air, and wait for my system to either fly back up or just anticipate a nose-dive and crash hard back to the ground.

I need ice cream. I need coffee. Nah, i'm just tired. Help me, Lord.